So no one told you life was going to be this way.
Your job's a joke, you're broke, you're love life's DOA.
It's like you're always stuck in second gear,
Well, it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year.
But, I'll be there for you, when the rain starts to pour.
I'll be there for you, like I've been there before.
I'll be there for you, cause you're there for me too.
Been revising Friends again. I can never seem to get enough of it. :)
Joey: Okay, some tricks of the trade.
Now, I've never been able to cry as an actor, so if I'm in a scene where I have to cry, I cut a hole in my pocket, take a pair of tweezers, and just start pulling.
Or ah, or, let's say I wanna convey that I've just done something evil. That would be the basic 'I have a fishhook in my eyebrow and I like it'
[Does it by raising one eyebrow, and showing off the pretend fishhook]
Joey: Okay, let's say I've just gotten bad news, well all I do there is try and divide 232 by 13. [looks all confused]
Joey: And that's how it's done. Great soap opera acting tonight everybody, class dismissed.
Ross: I'm gonna say this as Monica's brother. Not as your friend.
Chandler: So now you're not my friend?
Ross: Not now.
Chandler: All right.
Ross: So i couldn't be happier cause you're marrying Monica. But if someday you ever hurt her, I will hunt you down and kick your ass.
Ross: What, what? I'm just warning you. I'll hunt you down and kick your ass.
Chandler: Ok. So now you're my friend again?
Chandler: You wouldn't believe what Monica's brother just told me...
Joey: I am telling this to Rachel! Monica: No, Joey! Joey: Unless...
Chandler: Unless what? Joey: Unless you name your first born after me.
Chandler: What? Why? Joey: Because, I may never have kids. Somebody's gonna have to carry on my family name.
Chandler: Your family name is Tribianni. [pause]
Joey: Oh ho ho! You almost had me there!
Chandler: Yo, paisan! Can I talk to you for a sec? Your tailor is a very bad man!
Joey: Frankie? What are you talking about? Ross: Hey, what's going on? Chandler: Joey's tailor... took advantage of me. Ross: What?
Joey: No way. I've been going to that guy for 12 years. Chandler: Oh, come on! He said he was going to do my inseam, and then he ran his hand up my leg. And then, there was definite... cupping.
Joey: That's how they do pants! First they go up one side, they move it over, then they go up the other side, they move it back, and then they do the rear.
[Chandler and Ross stare at him] Joey: What? Ross, Ross, would you tell him? Isn't that how they measure pants?
Ross: Yes. Yes, it is... In prison!
[One of Ross's students wrote a flirtatious evaluation of his class] Chandler: So, who is she?
Ross: I don't know. The evaluations were anonymous.
Joey: Well, do you still have their final exams? Ross: Yeah. Joey: Well, it's simple. You take the final exams and the evaluations, you see whose handwriting matches, and boom! You got your admirer!
Chandler: A hot chick is at stake and suddenly he's Rain Man!
Ross: I would date her but there is a big age difference.
Joey: Well think about it when you're 90... Ross: I know, she'll be 80 and it won't be such a big difference.
Joey: No. What I was gonna say is when you're 90 you'll still have the memory of what it was like to be with a 20-year-old.
Chandler: Alright, look if you absolutely have to tell her the truth, at least wait until the timing's right. And that's what deathbeds are for.
Rachel: I use my breasts to get other peoples attention! Monica: WE BOTH DO THAT!
[After Monica gets a disastrous haircut.] Ross: How's Monica?
Phoebe: She's calmed down a bit. I put a clip on one side, which seems to have stopped the curling.
Ross: How's the hair? Phoebe: I'm not gonna lie to you Ross. It doesn't look good.
Joey: Can we see her? Phoebe: No, your hair looks too good. I think it would only upset her. Rachel: Oh.
Phoebe: Ross, you can go on in.
Chandler: All right, you will notice that I am fully dressed. I, in turn, have noticed that you are not. So in the words of A. A. Milne, "Get out of my chair, dillhole!"
Joey: Okay. [He gets up and takes the cushions with him, as he starts to leave]
Chandler: What are you doing? Joey: You said I had to give you the chair, you didn't say anything about the cushions. Chandler: The cushions are the essence of the chair!
Joey: THAT'S RIGHT! I'm taking the ESSENCE!
Chandler: Why wouldn't your parents be happy that we're living together? Monica: Well, um, because mainly, um, they don't like you. I'm sorry.
Chandler: What? What? Why? Monica: Maybe because you used to be aloof, or that you're really sarcastic, or that, you know, you joke around all the time. Or that you take off your clothes and throw them on the couch.
Chandler: Is this why they don't like me or why you don't like me?
Joey: Here it is buddy boy, you hide my clothes, I'm wearing everything you own.
Chandler: Oh My God, that is so not the opposite of taking someone's underwear!
Joey: Look at me, I'm Chandler, could I *be* wearing anymore clothes?
Ross: What? No. What - what are you doing? GET OFF MY SISTER!
Minister: Friends. Family. We are gathered to celebrate here today the joyous union of Ross and Emily. Now Ross, repeat after me. I Ross...
Ross: I Ross...
Minister: Take thee, Emily...
Ross: Take thee, Rachel...Emily.
[Monica knocks] Chandler: You can't come in! Monica: Why not?
Chandler: Because, uh, Ross is naked. Ross: What? Chandler: Well, I couldn't tell her *I* was naked. She's allowed to see me naked.
Ross: Why does *anyone* have to be naked?
[Rachelle is crawling on the floor behind the couch secretly looking for Monica's lost earring] Monica: Rach? What are you doing?
Rachel: Oh I just can't watch. It's too scary. Monica: It's a pampers commercial. [Rachel looks up at the screen then goes back down...]
Rachel: Oh you know me, Babies, responsibilities, Ahhh!
[Describing her friends.] Monica: Married a lesbian, left a man at the altar, married a gay ice dancer, threw a girl's wooden leg in the fire, live in a box!
Ross: You know how at the end of the day, you throw your jacket over a chair? Joey: Yeah? Ross: Well at her place, instead of a jacket, it's a pile of garbage. And instead of a chair, it's a pile of garbage.
[Carol is nursing Ben.] Ross: This is the most beautiful, natural thing in the world. Joey: Yeah, but there's a baby sucking on it!
Joey: [watching Carol nursing Ben] If you blow into one side, does the other get bigger?
Joey: Ross, if homo sapiens actually were HOMO sapiens, is that why they·re exctinct? Ross: Joey, they are people! Joey: Hey, I'm not judging!
Ross: I guess I should have known... we'd be out somewhere, and a beautiful woman would go by, and Carol would go, "Ross, look at her." And I'd think, "My wife is cool!"
[Ross is newly divorced from his lesbian wife.]
Ross: You know what the scariest part is? What if there's only one woman for everybody, you know? I mean, what if you get one woman, and that's it? Unfortunately, in my case, it was only one woman for her.
Joey: What are you talking about? One woman? That's like saying there's only one flavor of ice cream for you. Let me tell you something, Ross. There's lots of flavors out there. There's Rocky Road, and Cookie Dough, and Bing! Cherry Vanilla. You could get them with jimmies, or nuts, or whipped cream! This is the best thing that ever happened to you! You got married, you were, what, eight? Welcome back to the world! Grab a spoon!
Ross: I honestly don't know if I'm hungry or horny.
Chandler: Stay out of my freezer!
Ross: First divorce: wife's hidden sexuality, not my fault. Second divorce: said the wrong name at the altar, kind of my fault. Third divorce: they shouldn't let you get married when you're that drunk and have stuff drawn all over your face, Nevada's fault.
Chandler: You tried to save a sandwich from a bullet? Joey: I know this doesn't make much sense...
Chandler: MUCH sense?
[Thanksgiving] Rachel: You know what we should do? We should play that game where everybody says what they're thankful for.
Joey: Oh! I should be thankful for the wonderful fall we've been having.
Joey: I remember one day I was at the bus stop and this cool fall breeze came blowing out of nowhere and totally lifted this chick's skirt. Oh. And I'm also thankful for thongs.
[talking to Ross] Joey: I may only have a couple beers in me, but... I love you, man.
Chandler: I'm still on my first. I just think you're nice.
[Halloween costumes; Monica's Cat Woman and Phoebe's Super Girl]
Phoebe: Ah so we meet again oh Cat Woman
Monica: So we do oh Super Girl.
Phoebe: [Laughs] It's me, Phoebe.
Chandler: Hey Joey, where do Dutch people come from? Joey: Uh.. well the Pennsylvania Dutch come from Pennsylvania.
Chandler: and the other Dutch come from somewhere near the Netherlands right?
Joey: Nice try, see the Netherlands is this make believe place where Peter Pan and Tinkerbell come from.
[Ross is trying to cheer Chandler up who won't get out of his sweatpants]
Ross: C'mon man, just take em off, just take em off and we'll have some fun.
[Jack knows that Richard is dating a younger woman, but doesn't know that it's actually Monica] Jack Geller: Come on, tell us. Jack's friend: Yeah. Is she really 20?
Richard: I'm not telling you guys anything.
Jack Geller: Come on, Rich. It's my birthday, let me live vicariously.
Ross: Dad, you really don't want to do that.
Jack Geller: Ahh, what's a little mid-life crisis between friends?
Richard: Jack, would you let it go?
Jack Geller: Look, I know what you're going through. When I turned 50 I got my Porsche. You... you got your own speedster.
Richard: Guys, seriously, it's not like that.
Jack Geller: Tell you what, maybe one of these weekends you can borrow the car and I could- Ross: Dad, I beg you not to finish that sentence.
Chandler: Now, remember, Ben, keep your balance. Ben: Thanks, daddy. Ross: No, remember, Ben, two mommies, one daddy.
Compiled from livesinabox.com