Thursday, March 6, 2008

Talk Sex : The Indian Way


Imagine a scene...You are watching a nice movie with your father and suddenly the couple onscreen start becoming cozy, what would you do...
a) You could pretend nature was calling at the exact moment and lift your bum from the chair and go.
b) You could pretend the movie was boring and change the channel.
c) You could bravely watch the whole thing as if it were something you have watched since the time you peed in your pants.

The point here is how open are you with your father about sex. I am not that open. Hell, I dont even remember uttering the word anytime before him. Just remember when was the last time you had a sane discussion about sex with anybody. Anybody other than those college friends discussing fetishes which have nothing to do with normal sex as such. Are we so scared of sex that we never talk about it?

Why dont Indian parents believe in sex education, which has been such a success overseas? I will tell you what sex education in India is. Imagine a friend who has come to your place and asks if he can pee. But as you live in an one-roomed flat, you dont even have a toilet. (Dont ask me where you go to pee. At least you must be knowing that yourself). Now that is analogous to sex education. Both the sides are embarassed without the purpose being actually served. Leave sex education and remember that 'Reproductive System' class in school. The girls giggled while the guys listened intently as if this was their most important lesson in life. We had a beautiful madam teaching us but she was often asked awkward questions by an annoying boy like " Ma'm, can we have that 'intercourse' portion again?" or " Ma'm, would you mind touching on that 'erection' part? ". I guess no teacher has an answer for that.

Our parents believe sex will 'come' to us with age as was the case with them. Now thats some 'coming-of-age' story. So, does sex come? Yeah, it 'comes' through nasty porn movies, friends who know as much about sex as yourself and that newspaper guy who takes double the price for that sleazy magazine. No doubt all that sexual energy is bottled up inside us. Many remember the first porn they have seen. I dont remember the name but I have named it, "Veni Vidi Vomit" which roughly translates as "I came, I saw, I vommited"

Recently, Operation Park( Yeah the dumbos could not even find a better name) was launched in Bhubaneswar to catch young couples enjoying themselves at the park. Their fault- holding hands in public, sitting close to each other and saying romantic things, all non bailable offences under Indian Culture Act Section I-dont-know-what. The poor guys and gals had to jump over barricades and escape while those who were caught were flashed in newspapers with their faces blurred. So much for being liberal.

So, does our culture prevent us from talking about sex? What about Khajuraho and Kamasutra then? Well, actually the sculptors at Khajuraho were a group of horny guys who hadnt seen a woman in decades. With fingers wrapped around themselves ( pun intended), they sculpted an orgy scene on the temple wall. Now, the king( who was a bit of a loser himself in his sexual life) saw and tried that. He was immensely satisfied and asked the scluptors to fill the temple with erotica like that. And then was born Khajuraho. As for the story behind Kamasutra, I will tell it sometime later. So you see, Khajuraho and Kamasutra have nothing to do with Indian culture. Hence proved.

We, Indians are so hypocritical about sex. We will protest against a kiss on screen( remember Dhoom 2) but in the closed confines of our home, we will watch MMS clips of innocent couples robbed of their dignity and pride. We will watch phoren films with a nude Angelina Jolie and daydream about her but we will cry out aginst a Mallika Sherawat for wearing a bikini. We will never talk about sex as if we have never heard about it, but still some day soon, we will be the most populous country in the whole goddamn world. Who said we reproduce, we just multiply.

So, the next time you are watching a film with your father and a sex scene comes up, calmly ask him, "Father, have you done this?" Thats called talking about sex.

19 comments:

d SINNER!!! said...

I have told u this already and here is it again...Hats off to u, very realistic and you've maintained distance from getting obscene...

Manto like!!!

debasish said...

Very true...Dat Dad-son scene actually happens in every house-hold. May b our culture, no-matter-what, will nvr grow up or hv a broad view.
But then, we have ppl like you..to save us. I r'membr,dat our Bio teacher did not teach us d "Reproductive" part, instead she gave us xeroxed notes on d topic.(Witty,,.. na !)

Ur last 3 paras,actually reminded me of d previous series of condom ads on tv.

Superb post!!!

vEENs said...

Waow.. I couldn't help giggling :)

I guess I never would discuss this with my father! No way. neither with my mom!
I remember when the menstrual cycles started, mom couldn't explin that ALSO! so i can't expect her to talk about sex!

I love the way you mix humor with social issues [or whatever these issues are called :)]

Glad I came! Thanks Neha for the link!

--xh-- said...

yeah - talking about sex is still an embaresing thing to do @ most fo the homes... thankfully, I got good sex education from a counselor while i was in PUC and after that, I have taken some sex ed calsses for guys and gals of same age.
I have decided that with my kids, I will talk about the matter in same way i talk to them about newtons laws.
(came through link @ d-sinners post)

gunj said...

i dnt knw if i can still do it but im glad smebdy has d courage to write about it n try n make efforts in his direction..which ofcourse is v imp!

skeptic saint said...

@ neha

well...wat can i say...
i ll surely read manto...

@ dave

xeroxed notes...??? ;) too clever...

R3d3MpTioN said...

brilliant post.. seems ur a man after my own heart.. Just one point I would like to leave behind..

why don't you try it first (The last questoin to your dad).. and write a post on how you fared.. :)

Im willing to bet, that would be the best post u've ever experienced (writing part comes afterwards), I hope you don't do it backwards.. first the writing,then hand your dad the script and then saying .. it won't be fun I guess..

wildflower said...

Enlightening & Liberating Indeed!
U have talked sense...!

Vandita said...

that is the most sensible and hilarious post ive ever come across on sex...
delightful read, though i don't think i can do that as in talk to my folks!

skeptic saint said...

@ veens

girls always giggle i guess. :)
and i thought girls were very frank with their moms...

thnx for visiting...

@ xh

u were lucky and so will be your kids...

@ gunj

thnx...

skeptic saint said...

@ redemption

whoa! asking my father if he had sex...well it wld be like asking someone if he breathes...

still if you want me to, i ll do it... but can u give me ur email address coz i wont be able to post it here then...

hehe,...

@ wildflower, vandita

thnx...

Unkown said...

Weel thjs not matter in our..house..Sex is aopen topic at my home.I dontmind speaking sex infornt of my dad andmom.I do speak.Sex justbilogical..Its just a process of every humanbegin>why do these people hide.Hypocrites.As if our parents nevr had sex.

:: Clouds :: said...

Loved the post.

And yes, I did ask my mum and dad - "WOW!you guys have done all that?!!"

My dad shuddered and said - "Don't worry.tumhara bhi time aayega bachhe."

:D

Ria said...

Nice post!well i may not be able to discuss this with dad but yes i hav discussed this with my mom and i m glad that atleast i hav my mom to confide into. )

thinker-girl said...

ahahaha! :D
india is so sexually supressed. sad sad sad

♥bμşγ-ŵŗϊŧēŕ♥ said...

Take a bow. Awesome post, yet again. Loved the humour, loved the reasoning...loved it all!
i studied in a convent school for 12 years..and sex education was introduced to us when we were in class 5! so always we had the right information..learnt that it is NOT sumthin dirty that it shld be spoken bout in whispers.. my parents are pretty much frank too, m glad! hence..this isnt sumthin that i cannot talk bout freely..
the bhubaneswar incident was pathetic...absolutely pathetic!
cheers!

Yentl said...

Awesome post. I must say that this does not happen in your country only.
I am from Malta and with all the sex education we have, sometimes we are in awkward position when we speak about sex. I don't know why - sexuality is a nice thing we should spak about it all the time :P

Kyria said...

This is great info to know.

Kavya said...

a witty take on a real issue.. real great work.
I myself had posted sumthing wen that MMS scandal broke 2 yrs back.
i know it's most frustating to bear with society's double standards..but maybe gradually society too will come-of-age. with every new generation, we're only gonaa move toward more liberal society. and the movement too has begun with us here identifying and then voicing our dissatisfaction with the moral policing prevalent today. let us be the change we want to see.