I have done nothing all my life

Who says nothing is impossible?
I have done nothing all my life.


A few months back, I celebrated my twentieth birthday. Being in my third of engineering, I will sit through the campus recruitment this July - August and next year, I will be a working professional with a salary my dad would be proud of( hopefully). When I think about it, I just have one thought in my head, "Isnt it too early?"

I fear my earlier days and the days that await me will be frightfully different. A year from now, I will be responsible for my decisions and I will be held acoountable for whatever the outcomes. Straight from the frivolous teens to the responsible twenties. Scary aint it? This morning in class, I was wondering where had those twenty years gone? Someone had said, "Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans." Seems so true for me.

The first thing that came to my mind was that I have slept through nearly 7 years( considering an average of 8 hours per day). Gawd! Wasted 7 years( How long it seems now) lying on my bed, seeing nothing, hearing nothing, doing nothing. But to be frank, to me those 7 years were the best years of my life. How else could you bash up the boy who always bullied you, or kiss the girl you have a crush on or even visit Heaven and return back. All this I have done while I was in deep slumber. I know I didnt have many bad dreams coz I dont remember many times when I woke up from bed screaming, "Ahhhhh" while my mother came running and soothed me, "Nothing son, It was just a bad dream."

The rest of the years, I have been happy,sad, and sometimes indifferent. There were moments when I was helped, encouraged and loved and also there were moments when I was ridiculed, humiliated and shunned away. All these have been done by those whom I have spent my life with all these days.Did I chose them? No! Did they choose me? No! We are just like strangers who met accidentally on a highway . But then these strangers have become so great a part in my life that I do everything to please them, to make them like me.They are the people who decide how good I am and how I feel everyday. Its they who make out whether you are beautiful or intelligent or just ordinary. When I look at it, my life seems more them than me.

In my twenty years, have I done something? Something at least that I can remember and say that I have done something.

Yes...there have been great moments in my life like when my brother got through his medical entrance exams or when we went to our new house or when she and me walked holding hand in hand through the beautful sunset or when I went home after my first stay in the hostel or whenever I see the beach or when I was the topper of my school and everybody congratulated me or when we did a play at school...But adding them up, they would be less than a month. A month of pure happiness in twenty years. Isnt it too less?

The rest of my life has been bland. Pretty ordinary! During my childhood, I have played games with kids to whom it would not have mattered if there was one guy less in their gang of a dozen. While at school, I read books, played pranks ...cricket too, teased girls, fought with boys, had secret crushes on teachers, won, lost... Pretty much what everyone does at school...Nothing something about it. I have been good academically and have recieved a few prizes but were they good moments. I would say no cause I dont even remember even the chief guest's face who gave me the prize. At college, I had two girlfreinds, not at a time but one after the other. But then I have never kissed them. God! I have never kissed a girl in twenty years of my life? I am so ashamed of myself. Where did I go wrong? Didnt I make the move at the proper time or the girls werent willing, I dont remember. Here in hostel, I spend my time sleeping, watching movies, playing computer games and doing nothing. Is my life of any good to anybody? Or is it any good to even myself? Probably not. Has my life been a waste? Have I done nothing in life worth something?

While I was pondering over this ,I remembered a story I had heard as a child. It goes like this...Many many years ago, in a far away kingdom, there lived a king. He was the most benevolent king in all the world. He once gave his two young sons a hundred gold coins each and asked them to spend it the way they wanted to. Both the sons went to the market at the end of the city. The younger son was mesmerised by the different colors, the different people. He found a hidden beauty underneath the hustle and bustle of the market . He bought a beautiful rainbow bird that had all the colors in the universe, he bought a pebble that shone like a star when kept facing the sun, he bought a wonderful paper cap that he had always wanted to have, he bought all the things which caught his fancy in the turmoil of the market. The elder son thought to himself, "What chaos! What disorder!" He had always wanted a certain thing since he was a child. None except him knew what he wanted and why he wanted it. But he knew that he would have to save all his coins for it. So he didnt buy the paper boat he liked or the wonderful wooden flute or the clay soldier. He just waited and waited... When the younger son returned,he had just a few coins left but his pocket was filled with things of no importance like a gray stone and a folded paper cap that didnt fit him. The elder son had all his gold coins left with him but he returned empty handed cause he didnt get the thing he was searching for.

Who do you think was happier?OK...There was no such story. I invented it on my own. But does not that summarize life? God has gifted us lives to spend the way we want. We live in this world which is almost like a busy market with commotion and chaos everywhere but we have to see the splendor, the beauty, the magnificience hidden. I have been the younger son who has spent much on useless things but then they were the things I liked the most. Sure the kids might not remember me, but I had loved playing with them. Sure everyone might do the same stuff I did at school, but I had the most fun doing them. Sure the girls might not have kissed me, but I have kissed them many times in my dreams. In the market of life, I have bought everything I wanted and I wanted them because I liked them. Sure they not be important, they may not be something to others but they are everything to me.