"My Crushes" Episode I

Whenever I go to somebody's house, the first thing they ask me is "Would you like something to eat?" No, it has nothing to do with their hospitality; its just that I am so cadaverous that they fear I would die on them. Guys who meet me for the first time often ask me if I am preparing for the International "Whos the Thinnest" contest. Though being a firm believer in "Happy as Single" philosophy, yet I fall in love quite easily. If you have read Wodehouse, you can take me as Bingo Little who just falls "madly in love" with every girl he sees on the street. Since a kid, I have had innumerable crushes; so I thought it would be a good idea to list out the major ones. So heres the first episode of "My Crushes"


When I joined Enginnering, I had thought I would have the time of a lifetime. I would have like one girlfreind each year of my study and maybe some extras for the years I had missed. But when I enetered classroom, I had the shock of my life. We have just four girls in a class of sixty students.One reminds you of one of those village girls who has been given too much steroids by her coach to take part in some obscure athletic championship. The other one would surely get maternity leave if she asked the professors...I mean she is that plump. Then theres the other one who wears glasses so thick that I often wonder if they are bullet-proof. And she is called "Chessboard" by the guys for obvious reasons. This leaves us with the fourth one. I would not call her beautiful but yeah her face is a familiar one. Lets call her Priyanka.

Well, the first time I saw Priyanka, she actually reminded me of my pet puppy. She had the same small nose, the same eyes. I was just waiting for her to jump towards me, barking with glee, wagging her tail, if she had one. I was really missing my puppy and I thought that this girl can surely fill the void. When I looked at her and smiled, she smiled back at me. This was the same smile when mu pup got a lice little bone to play with. I calculated that I had a 1/59 probability of getting her attention and so I decided that I must do something drastic. Valentine's day was coming near and I knew that this was the time to strike.

We have this club at our college that fools freshers into buying hand-made Love cards, Crush cards and things like that on Valentine's day. And most of the guys having come directly from all-boys school and nevr having seen the other 'variety' are duped into the trap. The club sends these cards to girls who half of the time dont get these cards and even if they get dont care to open them. I bought a card( not a hand made one though) with a beautiful quote with the hope that atleast that would impress her. Now, having seen a lot of romantic movies the day before, I decided on writing a love letter.( I curse that moment now.) Now this was my first love letter and I really didnt know the details like which paper to use and all that. After searching thoroughly, I decided upon those blank sheets on which we wrote our assignments for professors, got a pink pen from a friend( someone had told me that pink is the color of love and I really dont know why the hell he had a pink pen with him).

If God gave me a time machine on the condition that I couls use it only once, I would just go that fateful day and stop myself from sending that letter. How embarassing it is, man? Its like you were peeing outside when your girlfriend's friends catch you in the act with all your deficiencies( ahem...if you know what i mean). Seriously I had told just one friend about the letter but the next day, everyone came asking me "Hey was it you who wrote the love letter to Priyanka?". I got a couple of threats, a couple of encouragements, a couple of sympathies, a couple of advices. I even got a couple of requests for writing love letters the next Valentine's day. It was as if the whole college had lost interest in everything except me. And I hated it.

Can you imagine sending a love letter to a stranger? And that too so cheesy that you could spread it on your bread and eat it. I mean, in which century did they stop writing lines like "If there is one person in the whole world I would give my life for, it is you" (As if she would believe that and even if she did, as if I would believe that) or "The first time I saw you, the sky became bluer, the fields greener, the birds chirpier and my heart flutterier" (Man! What the hell is fluterrier?) If I got hold of that letter now, I would surely auction it as some vintage stuff. Even Shakespeare would be embarassed.

The next day, when I met her, she was like this puppy who had been picked up by a stranger and wanted desperately to get down. She never looked me in the eyes again. I never got to ask her what she felt. After some days, she got a boyfriend. The first time I saw them together, it was in my chemistry lab and I seriously wished I was like a Jeanie or something so that I would could get inside the test tube and drown in the obnoxious smelling chemical. Ofcourse it didnt happen and I lived to have a new crush. That was the end of my puppy love. Now ofcourse I Priyanka and puppies too.